Learning How to Trust

God has touched my life in many different ways. It started in 1989 when I had a strong conversion in Medjugorje after going there with my family. At the time I was a skateboarder listening to heavy metal and Punk music and living by the motto "live fast, die young." My favorite band was Suicidal Tendencies and I had a death wish that I wouldn't live to my 18th birthday. I hated religion and did not want anything to do with it. Medjugorje changed all this for me and while I was there I experienced the presence and the peace of God.

The Lord says that if we choose to follow Him then we must also choose to carry the cross. After Medjugorje I experienced - for the first real time - rejection. This was very hard to accept. A short time after I started to regret having gone to Medjugorje. I was being torn inside. My new religious beliefs were conflicting my ideals and wants of what the world had to offer. I related to Eve with the apple yet for me I craved the apple and wanted it so much but didn't believe in taking it. And I regretted Medjugorje for this. I could not accept the cross.

It was a struggle to keep my religious beliefs but I battled with it and persisted. I prayed to Mary and she helped me through the rough times. She brought me closer to her Son and now my love for God grows each day. This came into effect one day when I was traveling on the train.

I was joined in the carriage by a group of about 10 skinheads. Just before they came to where I was sitting I said a little prayer, "Lord my life is in your hands. I give it to you and whatever happens is up to you." All my fear just seemed to disappear. I ended up at the police station that night with a blood nose but it could have been a lot worse as there was also a knife involved. It was in the hard times that God would comfort me. If I didn't have God in my life I didn't have anything.

A few years later I felt the hard blow of rejection again. But this time it was from close family friends with whom I attended a prayer group. This had a huge impact on me and my trust in friendships was shattered. I did not want to be hurt again. I withdrew away from prayer groups and friendships and would not let anyone get close to me. I built a wall of ice around me but unfortunately I buried myself so deep that I became that ice as well. Once again I did not follow Jesus in carrying my cross.

At the beginning of 1997 I decided to go to a prayer group called "Wellsprings of Mercy." Wellsprings is blessed to have the presence of the Lord each week in the Blessed Sacrament. It was this that drew me. My reason for going was to discern my life's journey. I did not want to make friends. But it was here that I felt acceptance. And it was through the people at Wellsprings that I learnt to follow Christ in the good times and the bad. It was during this that God melted my ice wall and showed me how to trust again.

My conversion has been a long process and I can now accept my cross and follow the Lord without a second thought. He has shown me His love and acceptance through my relationships with others. I have made many new friendships. And it was at Wellsprings in my journey with the Lord that I met my best friend (and now wife) Bridie.

When I was 11 I chose Paul for my confirmation name but back then I could not forsee the impact that this would have on me years later. I can now comprehend the graces given to us by receiving the Holy Spirit and thank God for this opportunity that I took for granted. Each day before I leave home I offer my day to God and each night before I go to bed I thank Him for the day that He has given me. I could not think of life without my relationship with the Holy Trinity and I now know that His will is all that matters. I have learnt to trust in God unconditionally and it is through this that I now live my life.

Matthew Price